ASK THE SCIENCE PRESIDENT!

We saw him campaign as the “Compassionate Conservative.” We saw him land on an aircraft carrier as a lost member of the Village People. Now, after careful market research, the Bush White House staff proudly present his latest incarnation: George Bush, Science President.

Bush's new character was launched last week with the unveiling of his “American Competitiveness Initiative,” which will ensure a strong grounding in math and science for the nation's children. This is good news for you, good news for me, and good news for America. Bush will secure Federal funding to train 70,000 new AP teachers at respected learning centers like the Discovery Institute and Bob Jones University. No longer will science be the domain of undisciplined, loose cannons like James Hansen. His ilk will be replaced with a proud corps of freedom-loving, God-fearing Lysenkos who know how to toe the line. Their rigorous training will enable them to find the evidence for whatever conclusions the national interest demands. Let's see those Asians top that! Yes, there's a proud tomorrow on the horizon for America.

God bless this blog.